The doctor appointment

So, I had my doc appt yesterday... mostly it was good news. Everything looks healthy at a glance (full test results come back in roughly 2 weeks) and he said that he doesn't think that I have endo, but it is a possiblity with my family history and the way my cycles were before (and the amount of pain that I experience every time I get af). BUT because we are "casually trying for a baby" he doesn't want to put my body through surgery (even just a laproscopy) unless expressly necessary. He said that if I appear to have problems getting pregnant, we will explore more options for a diagnosis. As it stands right now, he felt my ovaries and uterus and he said that he doesn't feel any abnormalities or anything, so as long as things continue to remain about the same, I don't NEED to be tested for anything. I guess the nurse who told me that we were going to discuss what tests to do and when to do them was wrong. I went in thinking that they were going to have me schedule an ultrasound or a lap, but all in all it was just a basic exam. He told me that if I do have endo, that pregnancy and breastfeeding can really help as management for it... GREAT, now if I could only get pregnant... *sigh*

I brought up that I've been trying to track my cycles so I will know what's going on and when, but that temping wasn't working out due to our schedules, and that I haven't noticed any EWCM around the times that I'm supposedly ovulating, so I have no idea when I do ovulate. He said that he doesn't think I was ovulating for awhile after I came off of the pill, but he thinks based on the fact that my cycles are seeming to get more normal that I am ovulating now, though he's not positive. (I don't see how my cycles have "changed" though other than just being shorter?) He told me that if they start to lengthen out again, or if I am uncomfortable, that he will do a blood test on CD 20 or 21 of whatever cycle I'm on to find out if I am ovulating at all. But he really didn't seem like he wanted to do it. He said it like "if you REALLY want to we can...... it is more reliable than opk's, and in the end it's cheaper.... if you decide that you want to go that way you can call and schedule"..... etc etc.


NOW FOR MY TAKE ON IT ALL:

All together, I came out of the appointment feeling like my questions weren't really answered and I really feel like if I am not ovulating and want to be put on something to help me ovulate, the doc probably wouldn't do anything for me unless I really aggressively pursue it. I don't know anything about this stuff other than what I read online, so I was really hoping that he could direct me and inform me and give me some ideas, but I think I'm even more confused after than I was before. I have never been uncomfortable with him before, but at this appointment, I just felt like he was looking at me like I'm a child or something (based on the way he was talking to me and treating me.) Every time I'd ask a question, he'd stare at me and kind of smirk, so I felt like an idiot. It's hard to explain :/

Maybe I'm overreacting because of hormones or something (It should be o time coming up here somewhere)... I have been a bit touchy lately.

I'm just so frustrated that I was put on bcp so long ago and didn't really have much of a choice (It was either take it as prescribed, or feel like crap... I just wanted to make it through school so I took the meds.) Now that I know that I should've had tests done and things checked out a bit better to find out the potential underlying cause to my problems back then, I feel like my doctor had chosen the easiest, quickest solution that wouldn't solve the problem, but instead delay it with as little effort on her part as possible. And I continued to take them for years, even after having countless adverse reactions, because I thought it was truly helping me, and I had no idea that it could cause so many more problems, and that it would be SO long before my body would work regularly again if I decided to stop taking it. Now I have to wait for who knows how long for my body to decide to work on it's own.

I hate not knowing what's going on. If there's something wrong with me, or if it's just from the pill messing up my system? I KNOW I'm being impatient, but I just want everything to be regular and back to normal again. So that I don't have to live on pins and needles, not knowing if I should expect af tomorrow or next week or when. My head is totally spinning.