The doctor appointment

So, I had my doc appt yesterday... mostly it was good news. Everything looks healthy at a glance (full test results come back in roughly 2 weeks) and he said that he doesn't think that I have endo, but it is a possiblity with my family history and the way my cycles were before (and the amount of pain that I experience every time I get af). BUT because we are "casually trying for a baby" he doesn't want to put my body through surgery (even just a laproscopy) unless expressly necessary. He said that if I appear to have problems getting pregnant, we will explore more options for a diagnosis. As it stands right now, he felt my ovaries and uterus and he said that he doesn't feel any abnormalities or anything, so as long as things continue to remain about the same, I don't NEED to be tested for anything. I guess the nurse who told me that we were going to discuss what tests to do and when to do them was wrong. I went in thinking that they were going to have me schedule an ultrasound or a lap, but all in all it was just a basic exam. He told me that if I do have endo, that pregnancy and breastfeeding can really help as management for it... GREAT, now if I could only get pregnant... *sigh*

I brought up that I've been trying to track my cycles so I will know what's going on and when, but that temping wasn't working out due to our schedules, and that I haven't noticed any EWCM around the times that I'm supposedly ovulating, so I have no idea when I do ovulate. He said that he doesn't think I was ovulating for awhile after I came off of the pill, but he thinks based on the fact that my cycles are seeming to get more normal that I am ovulating now, though he's not positive. (I don't see how my cycles have "changed" though other than just being shorter?) He told me that if they start to lengthen out again, or if I am uncomfortable, that he will do a blood test on CD 20 or 21 of whatever cycle I'm on to find out if I am ovulating at all. But he really didn't seem like he wanted to do it. He said it like "if you REALLY want to we can...... it is more reliable than opk's, and in the end it's cheaper.... if you decide that you want to go that way you can call and schedule"..... etc etc.


NOW FOR MY TAKE ON IT ALL:

All together, I came out of the appointment feeling like my questions weren't really answered and I really feel like if I am not ovulating and want to be put on something to help me ovulate, the doc probably wouldn't do anything for me unless I really aggressively pursue it. I don't know anything about this stuff other than what I read online, so I was really hoping that he could direct me and inform me and give me some ideas, but I think I'm even more confused after than I was before. I have never been uncomfortable with him before, but at this appointment, I just felt like he was looking at me like I'm a child or something (based on the way he was talking to me and treating me.) Every time I'd ask a question, he'd stare at me and kind of smirk, so I felt like an idiot. It's hard to explain :/

Maybe I'm overreacting because of hormones or something (It should be o time coming up here somewhere)... I have been a bit touchy lately.

I'm just so frustrated that I was put on bcp so long ago and didn't really have much of a choice (It was either take it as prescribed, or feel like crap... I just wanted to make it through school so I took the meds.) Now that I know that I should've had tests done and things checked out a bit better to find out the potential underlying cause to my problems back then, I feel like my doctor had chosen the easiest, quickest solution that wouldn't solve the problem, but instead delay it with as little effort on her part as possible. And I continued to take them for years, even after having countless adverse reactions, because I thought it was truly helping me, and I had no idea that it could cause so many more problems, and that it would be SO long before my body would work regularly again if I decided to stop taking it. Now I have to wait for who knows how long for my body to decide to work on it's own.

I hate not knowing what's going on. If there's something wrong with me, or if it's just from the pill messing up my system? I KNOW I'm being impatient, but I just want everything to be regular and back to normal again. So that I don't have to live on pins and needles, not knowing if I should expect af tomorrow or next week or when. My head is totally spinning.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all!! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your families and friends!!

I know, I'm so poor at keeping this thing updated, but really, I have nothing to update on. Everything is still the same. I have a doc appt on January 15th for a checkup, and they will start some testing. I'll update you all then, if I don't have any news before then!!

Over the whole sleep thing....

I am sooo over the whole "Sleep" thing. I've been sleeping the same amount as usual at night, and I'm finding myself SOOOOOO tired. And I mean T-I-R-E-D-I-COULD-TOTALLY-SLEEP-ALL-DAY-TIRED. So I've been taking naps when I can. But yet I'm still dead on my feet tired. What the heck?? I must be coming down with something? Idk, I just know that I'm tired of being tired. Now off to nap. >.<

impatient...

I wrote out this loong post, edited it a few times, but still didn't like it. So I'm gonna just write this instead. :)

I'm getting so impatient. Still having irregular cycles. AF this cycle was practically endless. Well, the spotting was. Buckets of fun lemme tell ya! Last cycle was ridiculously long. 49 freaking days. Temps so irratic that fertility friend couldn't even detect ovulation. I'm hoping sooo hard that this cycle won't be as bad. Or as long. I can't wait for them to get even. I really really really hope that they do. And sometime soon!

My appointment with my gyno is set for January 15th. They didn't have anything open in December, so that's the closest they could get me. I'll have some tests done... plus the same ol same ol... and we'll just have to take it from there. Hopefully I'll have some sort of pertinent update for you guys before then, but if not, I'll find something semi interesting to babble about. :)

Self torture

Why on earth do I watch shows like this?? On tv, I'm watching a show called "Adoption Diaries"... sounds happy, right?

Weeeeeeeell, in the beginning, they were going through the Adoptive couple's story.... and now I'm in tears.... terrified.

What if I can't get pregnant?

And now here I am.... a sobbing mess. I couldn't even imagine. I don't want to. And yet that's the exact scenario playing through my mind right now.

I really need to stop watching these shows....

sometimes nature is the best lullaby

This really isn't related to what the rest of the blog is about, but I couldn't help but share.

Tonight Devan was having a bit of trouble getting to sleep. I let April head off to bed, since she has to work tomorrow, and I would watch him. So I put him in his bouncer on the livingroom floor, strapped him in, and went to the kitchen to get him a little formula. I am juuust about to add the powder to the water, and I hear him in there, laughing hysterically. Me, being confused and slightly concerned, of course went running. There he was, with a huge moth flying around juuust above the mobile part of the bouncer. He was having the time of his life, just watching that thing fly. He'd stop and just stare at it, and it would swoop a little closer to him, and he would reach for it and go back to his mad laughter. It was the cutest thing ever!! So I let him "play" with the moth for a bit longer, and finished making the bottle. When I came back to him, I fed him the formula and we snuggled next to the open window in the livingroom, with no sound but the crickets and me once and awhile talking/singing to him. He passed out in less than 15 minutes. Man I love this little boy. <3

Prediction results

Here they are, in the order I received them :)

Cheri22:

"Hi Stephanie

Thanks for being patient with me while I got back to you reading. I am seeing a Girl and they relate her to SEPTEMBER so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in

I see your daughter as someone who knows exactly what she wants to do. Shes always got her opinions in order. Meaning she knows what she is talking about and is not just running her mouth just for something to say. She is usually really comfortable in pretty much any situation and really enjoys hearing other peoples "banter" about things that interest them. If shes not heard of something or has not had a chance to check it out, she likes to listen to what people have to say and then figure out her own views before commenting.

I am seeing her standing around 5'5 in height, her hair usually a bit on the shorter side, long enough to pull back into a low pony tail but still would be considered short hair style. I also see it having "bold" streaks. Your daughter is not someone who tries to draw attention to herself (happens naturally) but is not afraid to express herself and what she likes. I see you being okay with this as shes never over the top.

I think that you will find her to usually be wearing blue jeans, and a t-shirt of some kind. Usually something shes comfortable in. If its a bit cooler outside you might see her with a longer sleeve shirt but she is usually the one that is rolling up the sleeves. Its not uncommon to see her standing around wtih no shoes and socks on, and is quite comfortable doing so.

When it comes to career paths, they show her starting off doing her own marketing type company. I see this as a class project, and ends up with the help of her teacher starting an online thing. Almost like shes going to start making "brands' for companies and providing this service. They also show her around the age of 23, being something like a "Veejay"./

When it comes to marriage i see her closer to 28, they will have one girl and one boy of their own.

Let me know if you have any questions
Best Wishes
Cheri"

Jennyrenny:

"Your reading reveals that your BFP news comes the month of December 2009. The baby shows as a girl and her EDD is referenced the 10th of September 2010 and her birth date is shown around the 29th of August 2010.

Jennifer"


Roxy:

"Stephanie, I am seeing the month of May and Boy for you. Remember this can be birth, conceive or BFP month.

Roxanne <3"