Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all!! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your families and friends!!

I know, I'm so poor at keeping this thing updated, but really, I have nothing to update on. Everything is still the same. I have a doc appt on January 15th for a checkup, and they will start some testing. I'll update you all then, if I don't have any news before then!!

Over the whole sleep thing....

I am sooo over the whole "Sleep" thing. I've been sleeping the same amount as usual at night, and I'm finding myself SOOOOOO tired. And I mean T-I-R-E-D-I-COULD-TOTALLY-SLEEP-ALL-DAY-TIRED. So I've been taking naps when I can. But yet I'm still dead on my feet tired. What the heck?? I must be coming down with something? Idk, I just know that I'm tired of being tired. Now off to nap. >.<

impatient...

I wrote out this loong post, edited it a few times, but still didn't like it. So I'm gonna just write this instead. :)

I'm getting so impatient. Still having irregular cycles. AF this cycle was practically endless. Well, the spotting was. Buckets of fun lemme tell ya! Last cycle was ridiculously long. 49 freaking days. Temps so irratic that fertility friend couldn't even detect ovulation. I'm hoping sooo hard that this cycle won't be as bad. Or as long. I can't wait for them to get even. I really really really hope that they do. And sometime soon!

My appointment with my gyno is set for January 15th. They didn't have anything open in December, so that's the closest they could get me. I'll have some tests done... plus the same ol same ol... and we'll just have to take it from there. Hopefully I'll have some sort of pertinent update for you guys before then, but if not, I'll find something semi interesting to babble about. :)

Self torture

Why on earth do I watch shows like this?? On tv, I'm watching a show called "Adoption Diaries"... sounds happy, right?

Weeeeeeeell, in the beginning, they were going through the Adoptive couple's story.... and now I'm in tears.... terrified.

What if I can't get pregnant?

And now here I am.... a sobbing mess. I couldn't even imagine. I don't want to. And yet that's the exact scenario playing through my mind right now.

I really need to stop watching these shows....

sometimes nature is the best lullaby

This really isn't related to what the rest of the blog is about, but I couldn't help but share.

Tonight Devan was having a bit of trouble getting to sleep. I let April head off to bed, since she has to work tomorrow, and I would watch him. So I put him in his bouncer on the livingroom floor, strapped him in, and went to the kitchen to get him a little formula. I am juuust about to add the powder to the water, and I hear him in there, laughing hysterically. Me, being confused and slightly concerned, of course went running. There he was, with a huge moth flying around juuust above the mobile part of the bouncer. He was having the time of his life, just watching that thing fly. He'd stop and just stare at it, and it would swoop a little closer to him, and he would reach for it and go back to his mad laughter. It was the cutest thing ever!! So I let him "play" with the moth for a bit longer, and finished making the bottle. When I came back to him, I fed him the formula and we snuggled next to the open window in the livingroom, with no sound but the crickets and me once and awhile talking/singing to him. He passed out in less than 15 minutes. Man I love this little boy. <3

Prediction results

Here they are, in the order I received them :)

Cheri22:

"Hi Stephanie

Thanks for being patient with me while I got back to you reading. I am seeing a Girl and they relate her to SEPTEMBER so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in

I see your daughter as someone who knows exactly what she wants to do. Shes always got her opinions in order. Meaning she knows what she is talking about and is not just running her mouth just for something to say. She is usually really comfortable in pretty much any situation and really enjoys hearing other peoples "banter" about things that interest them. If shes not heard of something or has not had a chance to check it out, she likes to listen to what people have to say and then figure out her own views before commenting.

I am seeing her standing around 5'5 in height, her hair usually a bit on the shorter side, long enough to pull back into a low pony tail but still would be considered short hair style. I also see it having "bold" streaks. Your daughter is not someone who tries to draw attention to herself (happens naturally) but is not afraid to express herself and what she likes. I see you being okay with this as shes never over the top.

I think that you will find her to usually be wearing blue jeans, and a t-shirt of some kind. Usually something shes comfortable in. If its a bit cooler outside you might see her with a longer sleeve shirt but she is usually the one that is rolling up the sleeves. Its not uncommon to see her standing around wtih no shoes and socks on, and is quite comfortable doing so.

When it comes to career paths, they show her starting off doing her own marketing type company. I see this as a class project, and ends up with the help of her teacher starting an online thing. Almost like shes going to start making "brands' for companies and providing this service. They also show her around the age of 23, being something like a "Veejay"./

When it comes to marriage i see her closer to 28, they will have one girl and one boy of their own.

Let me know if you have any questions
Best Wishes
Cheri"

Jennyrenny:

"Your reading reveals that your BFP news comes the month of December 2009. The baby shows as a girl and her EDD is referenced the 10th of September 2010 and her birth date is shown around the 29th of August 2010.

Jennifer"


Roxy:

"Stephanie, I am seeing the month of May and Boy for you. Remember this can be birth, conceive or BFP month.

Roxanne <3"

waiting waiting waiting...

I thought I had written an update a few days ago, but apparently I didn't :hides:



Anyways... I was right... it was AF. Maybe 3 hours after testing, Af came... with a vengeance. And I felt even worse. SO sick I could hardly stand up without thinking I was gonna "toss my cookies". First day was medium, second was light.... then three days went by with NOTHING. Not a drop. So I started panicking, because of my prior history of irregular cycles. Thankfully I started spotting again on Monday, and am again today, so hopefully I'm having an ordinary end to my flow. Yes, I know that for the first few cycles after you come off of bcp your cycles are usually sporadic until your body get back into the swing of things again. That doesn't stop me from worrying. I was hopeful that I'd be one of the lucky few that things went regular right off the bat. Oh well! We will have to see if things do get in a semblance of a pattern, or if they are gonna stay random. When I go back into the doc in Dec/Jan (haven't set the 6 mo appointment yet) if stuff isn't more regulated, I will have the doc look into it.



So for now I'm waiting. I'm on cd7 and hopefully af will be gone tomorrow. I don't feel as bad healthwise, so I'm taking that as a good sign. I'm hoping that this cycle will be the one :) But that's wishful thinking. I think Jennyrenny and Cheri22's predictions are probably more likely scenarios LOL but I can hope!! I know I didn't post my prediction results here, so I suppose I should take this opportunity to do so lol! I will have to post them in a new post though. Apparently "paste" crashes IE. So I think I'll end todays blog at that. I'll try to remember to update ^.^

first letdown.

Okay, so my symptoms were killing me, and I had to test. Today marks 9DPO. Annd... BFN. I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Huge letdown. And when I was done, there was a bit of pink on the tp. I think that means AF is on her way. Stupid witch. I'm just really sad right now. I was really hoping. Hopefully next cycle will be it, but all I can do is try and cross my fingers that it goes right. If AF isn't here in a week, I'll test again, but I'm not holding my breath.

symptoms of who?

Okay, so I feel like crap. I'm having symptoms up the wazoo. I have no idea what-so-ever whether they are AF symptoms or symptoms of another sort.... They aren't anything like the AF symptoms I was used to, and idk if they are more wonderful withdrawl symptoms? Or dare I say they could be pregnancy symptoms? I am at CD34, 7 dpo right now. I am randomly nauseous, really tired without having to do much to get that way, gassy (to the point of having MAJOR gas pains a few nights in a row), lightheaded these last two days, I have cramps, but they are different from my usual AF cramps. They feel different in a way I can't really explain. I have back pain (worse than I used to get with AF), headaches, heartburn without eating anything, I've been having to run to the bathroom SUPER often. More so than usual. And I'm not drinking more than I ususally do.... And I'm overly emotional. But I'm always emotional with AF. I have a few more days until I think AF should be here, so we'll have to see, but I can't help but get my hopes up.

When I see that bfn, I'm gonna be a mess. (I'm trying to think negatively, so it'll be less of a letdown if it happens.) Anybody have any tips for NOT going nuts in the TWW?

Intro to "the blog"...

So I think I'll use this first post as a sort of intro to the blog... giving you a little more info on me and what this is all about.

First off, I am writing/upkeeping this blog as a sort of chronicle of my TTC journey. I suppose I am sharing this publicly with the world in case I come across situations that may help others, to get input or advice on issues that may develop, to let my friends and family keep track of what's going on, and also to possibly make some new "in-comuter friends".

A little background!!

I have had the baby fever BAAD since I was 15 (when I began watching my nephew in the evenings every day.) and I have had it bad since then. I wanted kids even before that, but as the responsible person I was, I knew it would be much better in the end to wait. Really though, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom. I think it's my purpose in life. When I was little, when asked by my teachers what I wanted to be when I grew up, my response was always that I wanted to be a mommy. They tried to tell me that wasn't a job, but I knew better. When I came into puberty, it hit me hard. Like a baseball bat. I had the most irregular cycles, accompanied by earth-shattering-can't-stand-up-just-lay-and-cry (sob)-in-pain cramps, migranes, the works. I thought I'd surely die. It was so bad that I couldn't even get out of bed, let alone go to school, for the first 48-36 hours of AF. My Gyn at the time decided (along with my mom and I) that the best course of action would be to put me on birth control to regulate my cycles and hopefully resolve the other problems in the process. I was 13.

Fast forward to current times!! (Well, relatively current). I had a scare with abnormal cells in my cervix at the end of last year, and began going to see a REAL gyn again. I much prefer him to the nurse practitioners at PP, so I continue to go see him since my insurance covers his practice as well. On July 22nd, I had an appointment to see him for a 6 month follow up, to be sure that all of the cells were gone, and I decided it would be a good time to bring up my issues that had come up again with the pill.

Wait, back up a sec. I need to explain what I mean by "issues with the pill". You see, I have been on quite a few different brands of pills, all low-dose. After taking them for a few cycles, a few after the "breakthrough bleeding" stopped, I would start having super bad cramps again, uncontrollable mood swings, major headaches, life interrupting fatigue, and AF would return, for weeks straight at a time (sometimes not even stopping until I switched pills)... among other things. Whenever this would happen when I was going to PP, they would simply put me on a different pill. It would resolve the problem for a few cycles, and once again the problems would crop up.

Sooo... I had been having problems with the most recent pill again, and I decided to bring it up to "Dr. M". He did some tests to be sure that it wasn't something more major wrong with me. The tests concluded that, in short, all that was wrong was that my body was no longer accepting the hormones. My body was trying to fight them, and ovulate anyway, causing all of the problems I was having. It was possible that it was just the "off brands" that this was happening with (I never had these issues with actual name brand seasonale while I was on that) or if it would be all pills, so we agreed to just take me off of everything for at least 6 months, to see if my cycles would become more regular on their own, and if I would start feeling better. I would LOOOOOVE to be feeling better!!!! Plus, this would give me the perfect opportunity to try for a baby. The scare with the abnormal cells made me realise that with my previous health issues and the uncertainty of the future, I don't have forever to wait to start a family. PLUS I want to have a large family, and now is as good of a time as any to get started!! Wesley isn't sure he's ready, so for right now, we aren't technically trying, but we are NTNP (not trying, not preventing.) What's meant to be will be, and whatever happens, happens. But I am secretly (Ok, not so secretly hoping, he hears daily how much I hope) that we will get pg soon!! The doctor has cleared me to try, and gotten me started on a multi vitamin, high in folic acid, and evening primrose oil (to combat the cramps).

I am finally at the tail end of the "hormone withdrawls", though I am still overly tired, and still having the headaches and moodswings, it beats the HECK outta the crap I was suffering with the pill. And even better, I have been "charting" this cycle. It's exciting to learn what's going on in my body at any given time.

ANNNNNND I am sooooooooooo thrilled that with this cycle, the first since I stopped taking the pill, I ovulated REGULARLY!!! Right on time for if I was "normal" (CD27). So hopefully this is a good sign, and everything stays "regular" and it doesn't take so long to get our BFP!!

Wish us luck???